Early Retirement

This is a story where the bad guys win. Sometimes that’s just how things work out. And unfortunately for everyone, that’s how things are going to work out this time. It all started when Johann came to Jimmy with this harebrained scheme that his friend, Gustav, had cooked up. They all held down jobs with specific sets of skills. Jimmy was a locksmith. He owned his own company that specialized in helping out all those idiots who managed to lock themselves out of their cars. His business was modestly successful, but he definitely wasn’t retiring any time soon.  Johann worked in the R&D department of a commercial chemical company. He also made decent money but had gone a few years without a promotion, which in his world, meant that he’d reached a dead end. Gustav was an investment banker, and the brains behind the operation.

Gustav had a nice lump of change squirreled away in his own account. One thing about being a successful investment banker is that it means you do make money. Gustav, unfortunately, also had a wife; one who wasn’t going to put up with his affairs any longer. Her lawyer was taking him to the cleaners, and his once lavish lifestyle was going to be severely truncated by the split and the looming alimony payments. That’s when he got the brilliant idea for the group of them to rob a bank. Not Gustav’s bank, of course. I told you that Gustav was the brains of the operations.

No. They were going to rob one of the banks that Gustav’s bank was in the process of acquiring. Gustav had enough access to to get everyone in as needed, as well as access to the money lists. He just didn’t have all the requisite skills to pull off the heist on his own. Hence, why he got Johann, and by proxy, Jimmy involved. Johann was going to bring in some of the space age shit from his work place. He had a miracle epoxy that had the temporary effect of erasing finger prints. He also had access to Nu-Skin (patent pending), originally intended to help victims of severe burns, but extremely promising applications in the entertainment industry as well, for make-up artists and celebrities attempting to avoid paparazzo.  Jimmy, of course, would handle the locks.

They had a very small window of opportunity between the actual acquisition to get in and access their payday. And that’s why the four of us were at the main branch the day that all the senior executives were meeting to sign the paperwork. There was no better time to rob them blind. Of course we used three stolen cars as we all pulled into the bank’s parking lot. We all casually sauntered in and Gustav gave some bullshit line about a final inspection. Jimmy got to work on the vault door with Johann supervising. Gustav got me to the server room and then ran interference on the executives.

You’ve probably figured out by now what my area of expertise was. Computers. Networks. The like. You see, Gustav knew the real money wasn’t in the vault. He also knew that we’d need a couple of fall guys to take the rap for the bank robbery to put the police off the trail of the big money. There was only one thing Gustav wasn’t counting on. And that was human greed. Why split millions of dollars when you can have it all for yourself. And that’s why Gustav is sitting in Cell Block C along with Johann and Jimmy while I’m sitting on a private beach sipping Mai-Tais. Sometimes, it’s just the bad guys that win.

Apropos of: This Prompt


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